Jul 10

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It was that time of year again, time to roll out the Children in Need brief. The brief, that most of the creative department dreaded; children and charity *shudder*. But this time, the client was asking for something a little bit more “daring”.

So, the creative team rushed away, full of hopes and ambitions. Maybe, just maybe, this was the brief that would launch them into the international advertising arena. 

But, they had just one little problem. The mandatories listed that they had to include that god damn irritating Pudsey Bear. The one with the pathetic eye patch, which never speaks and seems to endlessly wave like a member of stuffed royalty. What the hell were they going to do with this hopeless amateur beige Bungle?

They knew they had to do something different,

A stunt… Radical man.

Yes, this will get them noticed. No one had ever done a stunt for a charity before. ever. ever. And never with a fucking bear.

The idea: How high up can we drop an egg containing Pudsey before it breaks? Idiots are asked to place bets on heights and the egg will be released (hopefully from somewhere just above the stratosphere).

But they knew this wasn’t enough, so to jazz up the PR and support their awards case study video they decided to throw in a lifesize robotic T-rex complete with snap-happy teeth. If the egg doesnt kill Pudsey the dino will. 

Perfect shock tactics. The lion was in the bag. 


Mar 16

This is the first of a new series to grace Shitscamps titled ‘Celebrity come scamp with me.’ Each week Celebrity couples battle to get their ideas bought by a client. 

Today’s celebrity team consists of everyone’s favourite saturday night midget magician Paul Daniels and his airhead waif-like assistant Debbie McGee.

This weeks client Bupa. 

As a team with a reputation for cutting edge, magical advertising. The client expected big things, he knew they would make him famous and for all the right reasons.

After an initial argument it was clear to see that Debbie was the brains behind this team. Paul like most copywriters was the talker. The story teller. The thespian.
But Debbie, softly spoken and introverted, she had strategy and logic quickly suggesting to target Bupa customers by getting them to stare at death face on. It was bold and brave, Daniels loved it.

Debbie thought a digital campaign located on bingo sites, targeting the grey pound would really spice things up. Not satisfied with banner ads, they decided to make the campaign into a full rich media experience. The idea, “the magical urn”. Bupa encourages the grey brigade to unlock the urn and spread the ashes using social media. The winner is the first to unlock their urn and decode the magic spell “opusotuuimtgnjriojkt” set by Daniels himself. 

The results. 
The client was hesitant, but knew that they had a real insight.

' Its genius, who doesn't like death?!' 

A year on and Bupa continue to make make money from gambling grannies and have even gone into Urn production, hoping to progress the next campaign to caskets and coffins.

Now, that’s magic.
This is the first of a new series to grace Shitscamps titled ‘Celebrity come scamp with me.’ Each week Celebrity couples battle to get their ideas bought by a client. 

Today’s celebrity team consists of everyone’s favourite saturday night midget magician Paul Daniels and his airhead waif-like assistant Debbie McGee.

This weeks client Bupa. 

As a team with a reputation for cutting edge, magical advertising. The client expected big things, he knew they would make him famous and for all the right reasons.

After an initial argument it was clear to see that Debbie was the brains behind this team. Paul like most copywriters was the talker. The story teller. The thespian.
But Debbie, softly spoken and introverted, she had strategy and logic quickly suggesting to target Bupa customers by getting them to stare at death face on. It was bold and brave, Daniels loved it.

Debbie thought a digital campaign located on bingo sites, targeting the grey pound would really spice things up. Not satisfied with banner ads, they decided to make the campaign into a full rich media experience. The idea, “the magical urn”. Bupa encourages the grey brigade to unlock the urn and spread the ashes using social media. The winner is the first to unlock their urn and decode the magic spell “opusotuuimtgnjriojkt” set by Daniels himself. 

The results. 
The client was hesitant, but knew that they had a real insight.

' Its genius, who doesn't like death?!' 

A year on and Bupa continue to make make money from gambling grannies and have even gone into Urn production, hoping to progress the next campaign to caskets and coffins.

Now, that’s magic.

Feb 29
Meet Timmy the angry tampon. Always’ latest attempt to pointlessly engage a male audience using social media. A cross between the paperclip assistant on word and Mr Magoo, little blind Timmy roams the web looking for somewhere to relax. But why so angry Timmy? Is it the newspaper you carry round but are never able to read? Or is it the basket of shopping, that you have to keep balanced on a toaster? I’d have thought life was difficult enough for a blind tampon.No, it’s fact that he knows, sometime, within the next 30 days or so he will be fulfilling his messy little destiny and then will be cast aside for ever.


Meet Timmy the angry tampon. Always’ latest attempt to pointlessly engage a male audience using social media. A cross between the paperclip assistant on word and Mr Magoo, little blind Timmy roams the web looking for somewhere to relax. 

But why so angry Timmy? Is it the newspaper you carry round but are never able to read? Or is it the basket of shopping, that you have to keep balanced on a toaster? I’d have thought life was difficult enough for a blind tampon.

No, it’s fact that he knows, sometime, within the next 30 days or so he will be fulfilling his messy little destiny and then will be cast aside for ever.


Aug 31

Mmmm. What’s better than one mascot to convince you you can get all you utilities through one power company?

Three.

Caught somewhere between the instantly dis-likable CGI Andrex puppies and that hateful meerkat, EON have launched this trio of nodding and wagging twats to front one of the most badly thought out and ill conceived ad campaigns of all time.

First up, it’s an anorexic Churchill-esque dog, called Porbis. Having warped numerous car boot lids, the guys in planning have decided to go with a fat-free alternative. And to give him an extra dimension, moving away from his tradition binary responses, he can now say maybe. For example “Errr…maybe.”  

Second to the table, Crabston the fox. Pretty weird, sure. But certainly less haunting than that bushy tailed bingo lover that you can’t help having all those strange, yet exciting, sexual thoughts about.

Finally, my favourite. The leader of the pack. A real curve ball, and the character that brings the whole campaign together…

Introducing, Chando, the duck with two bills.

Voiced unammusingly by the Chuckle Brothers, Chando is the fulcrum of the campign…

Most of the time the two beaks are in constant dis-agreement with each other. Constantly arguing over anything and everything, winding everyone within a 100 yards right up. The dog and fox’s efforts mainly revolve around trying to convince Chando there’s no need to argue.

Unbelievably tenuously the strap line is,

‘Why let 2 bills annoy you? Get your gas and electricity with EON.”

Well, fuck my old boots and give me a pay rise…


Aug 19

When Findus came to Chub to launch their Al-Dente bean café ‘Bean Masion’, the phrase, “We need to cut through the clutter” was blurted out by a tired graduate at the brainstorm. It was at that monet that the creative ooze of team Linda’s Bellingham and Barker started to seep out everywhere.

Findus’ brand guidelines (created by Chub) state that every piece of communication must feature the nameless centaur and manticore duo that represent Findus’ core values (affordability and crispiness). That, coupled with Chub’s vast experiential expertise meant only one execution beckoned.

Loosely based on a frank verbal exchange between Lou and Harold over an unpaid bar tab at Lassiters, Findus brings a mixture of action and dancing to the Claremont Pier, Lowestoft.

Throughout an often unintentionally hilarious 2 hour set, the duo waltz between giant, spinning light projections of Jim Robinson and Bouncer the dog whilst arguing the toss over a 70 cent cola. The audience watch on in horror and bemusement as they are showered with a mix of virtual 3D and genuine real-life beans.

The show finishes when a giant crispy pancake, captained by the ghost of Joe Mangle- waving a massive clam, floats into view off the pier.

Having blown the entire budget on the lavish production and the haunting animatronic costumes there was unfortunately only £50 to plough into the promotion through social media. Ever the pioneers though, Chub decided to set up both characters’ profiles on Friends Reunited.

The results are expected sometime next week…


2
Aug 10

'Spring is here. Grab a break.'

That’s right. Nothing really makes you want to pack your bags and head for sunnier climbs than the thought of 2 amputees floating, side by side, lifelessly in a swimming pool.

But when you realise the woman has fashioned her tits into water wings, is wearing a thong made from matted dog hair, and the guy’s left hand has been replaced by a penis, you suddenly find yourself idly flicking through those Thomas Cook brochures…
 
Mmmm, wish I was there…


Jul 12

When European car manufacturer Opal wanted to launch their new executive saloon the ‘Shapiro’ to the booming Eastern bloc market they required class, sophistication and wit.

When briefed to come up with the goods, Swedish super grads, Jorg and Olaf, working for Amsterdam pop up agency ‘Argh’, trawled the web looking for the smartest thing they could find.

It was Frasier.

After much consultation David Hyde Pearce and Kelsy Grammer finally agreed to reprise their roles as Doctors Niles and Frasier Crane. However, with legal bods threatening over copyright, they opted to give the whole thing a twist.

Step forth ‘Froosier’, a Geiger inspired, animated reworking of the 90s classic. Broadcast as 6 web-isodes, the alien duo ponder positive social aspects of owning a new Shapiro. Episode 1 goes a little something like this…

Miles.
“Say Froosier, I’ve heard the air con in the new Shapiro is so chilly, last time I got in I said ‘I’m going for a drive, I may be some time.’”

Froosier
“Oh Miles, what an abstract reference!”

Miles
“Damn you Froosier…”

Together
“Shapiro! Shapiro!”

Focus groups panned the lacklustre script and threatened legal action if changes weren’t made there and then. Panicking, Jorg and Olaf, opted to include the character of Eddie the dog, but with time against them could only mange to graft him on to Froosier’s head as a simple smiley face. They compensated for this by giving his VO to Richard Blackwood, who’d be constantly repeating the anecdote about the time he got mistaken for Andi Peters in a Wagamama.

Despite this, viewers switched off in their thousands, and even the 11th hour edition of a wise-cracking sausage appearing from Froosier’s mouth couldn’t stop the project from being binned after only 2 episodes.


Jun 09
It’s another masterpiece from social media torrent gurus, Chub.Head of future technologies, former Moesha star Brandy, explains."When Homepride came to us looking to gain more credibility with the young, gay, male demographic our first thoughts were inevitably a viral. Our data agency, Shot in the dark, told us most gays age 18-24 love to look at porn. So we developed a homo-erotic video to seed on various filth torrents. "Mmmm, and what a saucy treat it truly is.We start with hand held footage of someone talking over what appears to be a guided tour of a flat. As we get to the bathroom it‚s clear the shower is running.And who’s in there? It’s Fred the flour grader. Long time face of Homepride.Initially he appears to be aghast that his flat mate dare disturb him in the middle of his cleaning ritual, but with scant encouragement he soon starts to play up to the lens. In a truly horrendous 10 minute animated sequence that gets more graphic by the second, our CGI friend demonstrates exactly why he is so competent at kneading bread and using a rolling pin. The film finishes with the cameraman winking at the camera and saying, “That‚s tastes almost as good as your stir in carbonara Fred!”"We really think this will cash in on the ‘pink pound’‚" continues Brandy "And we expect Homepride to secure full sponsorship of next year’s Gay pride as we push for market share with this demographic."Nice work guys.

It’s another masterpiece from social media torrent gurus, Chub.

Head of future technologies, former Moesha star Brandy, explains.

"When Homepride came to us looking to gain more credibility with the young, gay, male demographic our first thoughts were inevitably a viral. Our data agency, Shot in the dark, told us most gays age 18-24 love to look at porn. So we developed a homo-erotic video to seed on various filth torrents. "

Mmmm, and what a saucy treat it truly is.

We start with hand held footage of someone talking over what appears to be a guided tour of a flat. As we get to the bathroom it‚s clear the shower is running.

And who’s in there? It’s Fred the flour grader. Long time face of Homepride.

Initially he appears to be aghast that his flat mate dare disturb him in the middle of his cleaning ritual, but with scant encouragement he soon starts to play up to the lens.

In a truly horrendous 10 minute animated sequence that gets more graphic by the second, our CGI friend demonstrates exactly why he is so competent at kneading bread and using a rolling pin.

The film finishes with the cameraman winking at the camera and saying, “That‚s tastes almost as good as your stir in carbonara Fred!”

"We really think this will cash in on the ‘pink pound’‚" continues Brandy "And we expect Homepride to secure full sponsorship of next year’s Gay pride as we push for market share with this demographic."

Nice work guys.


May 23
Ah BeJesus! What a shower of shit. Literally.I’ve seen some lame-arse concepts held together with lazy drawing before, but this really takes the fucking digestive. Unless Cillit Bang have taken a brave, yet ultimately misguided foray into subversive advertising, I really couldn’t tell you what’s going on. The WIP must have certainly been entertaining. “You know how it cleans a penny? Well we thought we’d take a slightly different angle with this one. It’s sort of a homage to Edward Munch. Sort of. Introducing Penny-head. The new face of Cilit bang. He’s got a kind of penny…head…erm… and he’s been running around for days with a really dirty face. Nobody likes him. They don’t want to know him. So he get’s some Cillit Bang. Attaches it to a sprinkler…somehow… and it just washes all the dirt off his face. He’s so happy he starts wanking. We could maybe do that bit online… Like a viral… Maybe…Erm… Anyway, in the end, everyone loves him…and he get’s married to a 50p piece. And then he jumps up and goes Bang! The dirt is gone, motherfuckers! ”
Get out of my office and don’t ever come back.

Ah BeJesus! What a shower of shit. Literally.

I’ve seen some lame-arse concepts held together with lazy drawing before, but this really takes the fucking digestive.

 Unless Cillit Bang have taken a brave, yet ultimately misguided foray into subversive advertising, I really couldn’t tell you what’s going on. The WIP must have certainly been entertaining.

 “You know how it cleans a penny? Well we thought we’d take a slightly different angle with this one. It’s sort of a homage to Edward Munch. Sort of. Introducing Penny-head. The new face of Cilit bang. He’s got a kind of penny…head…erm… and he’s been running around for days with a really dirty face. Nobody likes him. They don’t want to know him. So he get’s some Cillit Bang. Attaches it to a sprinkler…somehow… and it just washes all the dirt off his face. He’s so happy he starts wanking. We could maybe do that bit online… Like a viral… Maybe…Erm… Anyway, in the end, everyone loves him…and he get’s married to a 50p piece. And then he jumps up and goes Bang! The dirt is gone, motherfuckers! ”

Get out of my office and don’t ever come back.


May 11
This is a scamp for the new face of Direct Line, in the latest misguided campaign from advertising new boys ‘Chub’ a digital interactive web-based guerilla agency, headed up left-field creative choice and ex-Blue Peter presenter John Leslie.Watching jealously from the sidelines as Alexandra Orlov storms the ad world, with his increasingly self-indulgent mini series, ever more distant from the world of car insurance, Direct Line contact Chub to come up with a game-changing facsimile.With the bit between their teeth and keen to establish the agency’s reputation, Leslie gathers the creative department together in the agency’s boiler room for 4 days straight. (A process which is sold into clients as the ‘Chub hub’ and is charged at twice the normal agency rate.) The result is a masterstroke.Introducing, Ruben, the Hungarian insurance giant. Friendly, intimidating, and ‘Always ready to cover you.’ Whilst the finer details of the ATL campaign have yet to be ironed out, the digital boffins at ‘Chub labs’ have gone into overdrive with some really cool mechanics that are already being tested.  This includes an app that uses geo-tagging to project an augmented reality version of Ruben near accident black-spots. The downloadable app has not been without criticism though, the alert noise is so distracting it causes 68% of drivers to swerve into on-coming traffic in a bid to stop the incessant high pitch tone. Ruben then responds with a somewhat patronizing thumbs down, along with his trademark, ‘Oh well, I guess you didn’t see that coming.’ All the time maintaining his manic grin whilst his eyes swivel insanely in their sockets. Fucking magic.

This is a scamp for the new face of Direct Line, in the latest misguided campaign from advertising new boys ‘Chub’ a digital interactive web-based guerilla agency, headed up left-field creative choice and ex-Blue Peter presenter John Leslie.

Watching jealously from the sidelines as Alexandra Orlov storms the ad world, with his increasingly self-indulgent mini series, ever more distant from the world of car insurance, Direct Line contact Chub to come up with a game-changing facsimile.

With the bit between their teeth and keen to establish the agency’s reputation, Leslie gathers the creative department together in the agency’s boiler room for 4 days straight. (A process which is sold into clients as the ‘Chub hub’ and is charged at twice the normal agency rate.) The result is a masterstroke.

Introducing, Ruben, the Hungarian insurance giant. Friendly, intimidating, and ‘Always ready to cover you.’

Whilst the finer details of the ATL campaign have yet to be ironed out, the digital boffins at ‘Chub labs’ have gone into overdrive with some really cool mechanics that are already being tested. 

This includes an app that uses geo-tagging to project an augmented reality version of Ruben near accident black-spots. The downloadable app has not been without criticism though, the alert noise is so distracting it causes 68% of drivers to swerve into on-coming traffic in a bid to stop the incessant high pitch tone.

 Ruben then responds with a somewhat patronizing thumbs down, along with his trademark, ‘Oh well, I guess you didn’t see that coming.’ All the time maintaining his manic grin whilst his eyes swivel insanely in their sockets.

 

Fucking magic.


Apr 27
Who’d have thought this particular business venture would have any legs?It’s Deborah Meadon’s Reiki shack.In this advert we can clearly see Meadon working her mystical magic on celebrity patient Rihanna , who’s been having trouble with her neck since her failed attempt to jump over 3 double decker buses on a Segway for the victims of the Japanese Tsunami. Smashing straight into the front of the 277 Rihanna failed to cash in on the £178 sponsorship she’s managed to raise for the jump. But every cloud having a silver lining, she’s capatalised on it with a reported 7 figure advertising deal with Meadon. The scamp clearly shows Meadon imparting positive waves (somewhat insensitively, given the nature of how the injury was acquired) on Ri Ri’s neck. But despite her poor nail hygiene, Debs has had nothing but excellent feedback from all her customers, who claim Meadon’s spiritual powers and calming nature provide the perfect foil for her outward cold, level headed approach to business.Other unexpected money making exercises from Dragon’s Den regulars include;Duncan Bannertyne’s ‘Banners for the Tyne’ project. The Scottish impresario encourages disillusioned Geordies to sound their grievances with the local council using MPU’s and skyscrapers on his fitness club websites.Peter Jones’s uni-cycling therapy.One wheeled madness for amputees.Yes you Caan with James Caan.Positive thinking sessions for manic depressives.Theo Paphitis  presents bobbing for apples for beginners.An unbelievably patronising 6 week summer course.I’m out. 

Who’d have thought this particular business venture would have any legs?

It’s Deborah Meadon’s Reiki shack.

In this advert we can clearly see Meadon working her mystical magic on celebrity patient Rihanna , who’s been having trouble with her neck since her failed attempt to jump over 3 double decker buses on a Segway for the victims of the Japanese Tsunami.
Smashing straight into the front of the 277 Rihanna failed to cash in on the £178 sponsorship she’s managed to raise for the jump. But every cloud having a silver lining, she’s capatalised on it with a reported 7 figure advertising deal with Meadon.

The scamp clearly shows Meadon imparting positive waves (somewhat insensitively, given the nature of how the injury was acquired) on Ri Ri’s neck. But despite her poor nail hygiene, Debs has had nothing but excellent feedback from all her customers, who claim Meadon’s spiritual powers and calming nature provide the perfect foil for her outward cold, level headed approach to business.

Other unexpected money making exercises from Dragon’s Den regulars include;

Duncan Bannertyne’s ‘Banners for the Tyne’ project.
The Scottish impresario encourages disillusioned Geordies to sound their grievances with the local council using MPU’s and skyscrapers on his fitness club websites.

Peter Jones’s uni-cycling therapy.
One wheeled madness for amputees.

Yes you Caan with James Caan.
Positive thinking sessions for manic depressives.

Theo Paphitis  presents bobbing for apples for beginners.
An unbelievably patronising 6 week summer course.

I’m out. 


Apr 21
Aww well done guys,that’s some accolade.On to shit scamps, you’ve finally have made.A lion, a pencil?What’s next for you?It’s POS for Londis,and brand guidelines like glue.

Aww well done guys,
that’s some accolade.
On to shit scamps,
you’ve finally have made.

A lion, a pencil?
What’s next for you?
It’s POS for Londis,
and brand guidelines like glue.


Apr 15
'Give a child the chance the chance to be scared of needles.'Reading the headline you’d think this would be a straightforward message about infant immunisation. It is however, an early work from Picasso exploring the dangers of a small spider-legged man attacking a young girl with a model of the Seattle Space needle.Scary? Sure. Implausible? More likely.Despite this, the child is showing no signs of fear. She cannot see the horror about to engulf her, merely a blank expression, devoid of all emotion. Look at the eyes. They are eyes that have witnessed untold trauma, nothing fazes her. Either that or she has inoperable cataracts. In fact, not many people realise that Pablo Picasso spent his formative years as a second rate art director. All his signature scrawls are here. The side and front profile of the face being impossibly visible, the amputated left arm gripping itself in an abstract salute to introspection and the subtext of a small girl with a beard and tits tells us we’re dealing with a man who has problems with the traditional boundaries of gender and sexuality.This was Picasso’s final foray in the world of advertising, sadly he never scamped again…

'Give a child the chance the chance to be scared of needles.'

Reading the headline you’d think this would be a straightforward message about infant immunisation. It is however, an early work from Picasso exploring the dangers of a small spider-legged man attacking a young girl with a model of the Seattle Space needle.

Scary? Sure. Implausible? More likely.

Despite this, the child is showing no signs of fear. She cannot see the horror about to engulf her, merely a blank expression, devoid of all emotion. Look at the eyes. They are eyes that have witnessed untold trauma, nothing fazes her. Either that or she has inoperable cataracts.

In fact, not many people realise that Pablo Picasso spent his formative years as a second rate art director. All his signature scrawls are here. The side and front profile of the face being impossibly visible, the amputated left arm gripping itself in an abstract salute to introspection and the subtext of a small girl with a beard and tits tells us we’re dealing with a man who has problems with the traditional boundaries of gender and sexuality.


This was Picasso’s final foray in the world of advertising, sadly he never scamped again…


1
Apr 06
Stephenvoich Hawkinsky
Simples.

Stephenvoich Hawkinsky

Simples.


1
Mar 28
I can’t personally remember the scene from Men Behaving Badly when Neil Morrissey asks Leslie Ash out, and her face begins to contort at impossible angles, before collapsing in on itself, but I’m sure it would make a great ad for something. What? Only the artist behind this masterpiece knows. Kudos to them for capturing the exact moment her eyeballs get sucked in through the sockets too.Utterly terrifying, yet genuinely intriguing scamp that truly sets a new shit bench-mark. Well done.

I can’t personally remember the scene from Men Behaving Badly when Neil Morrissey asks Leslie Ash out, and her face begins to contort at impossible angles, before collapsing in on itself, but I’m sure it would make a great ad for something. What? Only the artist behind this masterpiece knows. Kudos to them for capturing the exact moment her eyeballs get sucked in through the sockets too.

Utterly terrifying, yet genuinely intriguing scamp that truly sets a new shit bench-mark. Well done.